mirror

it seems that for days it has been raining, when it has only been three hours, approximately. the droplets were pouring so angrily, as if the people walking cost them thier lives. i do not like the rain. it's like i had done something wrong to cause heaven its misery, and with its tears, the favor seems to be returning.

i was in a hurry, i needed to get home. the hole in the cieling might not be the only thing to cover up... there might be more.

the cab was caught in traffic. the red light was on, taunting me with its mockery, it's as if it enjoys watching me grow impatient. we were under a tree, the cab and i. the tears of heaven could not reach as much as it normally could, more so, sting me with its consciencious irony. it's good to be safe inside a car. the rain can not reach me in the car. the window mirrors may serve as the barrier from me and the rest of the world. the mirrors are my medium, with it, i can watch the rain drops fall with defeat, not being able to hit me with their contained anger.

but my mockery of the rain seemed to be gettting into me. the rain made me see a mirage, it made me see a lady, i can see it, face to face, nose to nose, with the glass parting our breaths, i stand assured. i was waiting for the mirage to disappear when the driver of the cab blowed the horns, with much irritation, i can say. i was beeped back to reality, as if electrified and put back to where i really was. the mirage must have disappeared too... i looked back to window, there she was still too. now knocking at the glass, if the glass was not there, the lady would be punching my nose. the lady must want something.... a donation, i presume. i need an excuse...

forgive me lady, for i am deaf. i could not hear your voice, let alone your request. i cannot hear your pain, i do not hear your call. i did not hear what my mom told about helping those in need.

forgive me lady, for i am blind. i do not see your life, even more, your need. i would not be able to see you suffer, for i would not see you cry. i do not see how helping you helps me.

i thought.

the cab moved a meter forward. ignoring the lady at the window, i gazed emptily, guessing what time i would get home. an hour later or so i guess.

the cab moved again, but this time, it did not stop. the cruel red light had stopped its mockery... alas. that was one of my problems solved. as the cab continued to move, the lady from the window haunted me with her mysterious smirk, as i decided to call it.

i could have helped her. i should have helped her. my conscious shouted with much dismay.

forgive me lady for i chose to be deaf. i kept the windows shut. i turned the music up when you cried for help. i pretended not to hear when your hopes was held high. i covered my ears when you opened your palms.

forgive me lady for i chose to be blind. i closed my eyes when yours met mine. i looked the other way when tears went down your face. i looked down when your eyes looked up.

forgive my lady for i chose not to care.

that was all i can do.... the honk broke my repentance. i wondered why the driver is still blowing the horns.

we were still in traffic. under the same tree. still under the angry tears of heaven. it has only been a minute since the driver first blew the horn.

i was electrified... again. with that i sat on the wet cardboard beside the tree looking at the lady inside the cab next to me. how i wish i could be like that. but will i as uncaring as her, when i am in her shoes... probably so. my granduer was only an illusion, yet it caused me to venture far deeper in my arrogance.

i lay down on my back, exposing my half-naked body to the angry drops of rain. i seeked no more refuge, i longed no more to escape. i give my body to revenge-seeking soldiers of heaven... i need no longer to hope, for what i have now is what the best i could have been...